Wet
by veritaserumkills
Summary: Ron's not exactly pleased when he has to escort a very drunken Hermione home from a Muggle club. Adult themes.


A/N: A oneshot inspired by a request from evilelmo666, who was inspired by the song "Wet" by Nicole Scherzinger. Enjoy!

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><p>"Oomph!"<p>

Ron stood a little straighter as Hermione bumped into him. He caught her by the hips and she grasped for his shirt. She smiled up gratefully at him and wrapped her arms around his neck before giving him a peck on the cheek. Ron only scowled.

"You're mad at me."

"No."

"Baby, don't be mad."

"I'm not-_baby_?"

"Shhhhhhh, it's just a penname."

"Pet name," Harry corrected.

"Tha's wud I said."

Ron shook his head and tightened his grip on Hermione's hips, but did not pull her any closer than he had to. She snuggled her head against his chest and sighed. He fought all instincts to pull her in closer and hold her securely in his arms.

"Ron, yer mad a' me."

"No, I'm not."

"Mhm. I can tell by yer voyssssssss." Hermione giggled a bit. She stood on tiptoe and motioned for him to lean down a bit further so that she could whisper in his ear. "It's almost like parsel talk. D'ya think Harry would understand wud I said?"

"No, I wouldn't," Harry sighed. Hermione looked around until she found him on the seat behind her and gave him a confused look. "You're a bit louder than you think. I'd stop talking till we're off the bus if I were you." He glanced up at Ron for emphasis. Hermione's eyes followed his lead and landed on her boyfriend.

"Roooooooon-"

"Harry's right," Ron said a bit coldly. "You should stop talking."

"Oh, yer mad. I knew it."

It was the last thing she said until they reached their stop. Ron was chivalrous enough to help her down the steps to the street while Harry woke Ginny and led her behind them. He kept his arm around Hermione's waist as they walked the quarter mile to his and Harry's flat. Once they were a bit more than halfway along, their fellow passengers had disappeared.

"Ron?"

He managed to keep looking forward. "Hmm?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Oh."

"I'm furious."

Hermione gasped and leaned further into his side, nearly knocking him over with the unexpected weight shift. Her arms tightened their hold and she buried her head against his shirt. "Nooooo. You can't be. I didn't do anything wrong."

"She really didn't, Ron-"

"Stay out of it, Ginny."

"But we-"

"Let it go, Ginny," Harry advised as they reached the door of their building.

For once, Ron was grateful that they lived on the first floor. In just minutes, they were inside. Harry started on the coffee while Ron rummaged through their room for extra clothes. He found his battered t-shirt and pants combo Hermione usually slept in when she stayed over and grabbed some of Harry's sweats for Ginny (acknowledging that she had her own clothes for sleepovers would be criminal). By the time he arrived back in the sitting room, Hermione was shoeless and sprawled out on the sofa. Ginny was fiddling with her hair and graciously accepted the clothes Ron had found her before moving into the bathroom to change.

"Here," Ron said, tossing the clothes on Hermione's lap. She blinked in surprise and then smiled mischievously before brushing them to the ground. She motioned for him to move closer. "Nope."

Hermione scowled. "Just sit here with me." Ron shook his head. "Roooooo-hooooooon. Just. Sit."

Ron sighed and sat on the edge, just below her feet. Clearly put out, she sighed in exasperation. "You lied to me." She frowned.

"No, I did not."

"You said you were-"

"I said I was going out with Ginny."

"Yeah, to the Leaky Cauldron."

"And we did."

"Not to some Muggle club Merlin knows how many miles away."

"Well, we ended up there, but we started at-"

"Anything could have happened to you, and we wouldn't have had a clue where you were!"

Ron rubbed his eyes and took a deep breath, doing his best to remember that arguing with her now would get them nowhere. He would have to let it go, at least until tomorrow, when she was conscious of what she had done and how serious it was. When he removed his hands, Hermione was scrambling to sit up and scoot to his end of the sofa. "What are you-?"

"Sh!" Hermione exclaimed loudly, pressing her finger to her mouth. She smiled proudly as she reached her goal and straddled his lap. "Hi, handsome."

Unable to resist any longer, Ron grinned. "Hey, beautiful."

"Mmmmmmm." Hermione pressed her lips roughly to his and moaned, squeezing the air between them out with all the force her intoxicated body could muster. "I love it when you call me that." She bit his ear a bit harder than usual. "God, you're so wonderful. I love you."

"I love you, too."

"So much."

"I know."

"No!" Hermione pulled back and shook her head vehemently. "You don't. It's…it's different, I think. For boys. Ron, I love you so much. It hurts me sometimes. Like, really, actually hurts my heart."

"I know, love," he chuckled.

"You don't though! Oh, Merlin, I wish I could…I just love everything about you." She attacked his lips again with hers and started sucking on his neck.

"Harry's in the other room, you know."

"I don't care."

"Yes, you do."

"No, I don't."

"But you will in the morning."

She stopped and took his face between her hands, looking him over with a fiery look in her half-lidded eyes. And then she laughed. She laughed until she could no longer sit up properly and had to collapse on Ron. Her face landed against his shoulder as it rolled about in a fit of giggles.

"What's so funny?" Ginny asked as she appeared, tying her hair back into a messy ponytail.

Ron shrugged. "Beats me. Here, Hermione, have some coffee," he suggested as Harry handed the first cup to Ginny. Hermione turned her head to look in Harry's direction, but kept herself tucked against Ron. She shook her head slightly.

"No, I don't want any."

"But you need it," Harry said sternly. Hermione scowled at him. "C'mon, Hermione, you like coffee. I made it just the way you like it."

She frowned and shook her head. "Can I have water? Water's good for you. What d'ya think, Ron? Water?" She looked up at him for approval and beamed when he nodded.

"If you don't mind, Harry."

"Not a problem," Harry said. "You're kinda trapped, anyway," he said with a smirk.

Hermione giggled and put her lips up to Ron's ear. "I think Harry knows what we're up to."

"But we're not up to anything," Ron said at full volume, just as she had done.

"Not _yet_, anyway." She nibbled on his ear to make her point. "D'ya think he knows?"

"Knows what?"

"I mean, did you tell him? It's okay if you did."

"Tell him what?"

"I would expect you to. I told Ginny."

"Told her what?"

"That…ya knooooow."

Ron frowned, growing impatient. "If I knew, I wouldn't be asking, would I?" Hermione only shrugged. "Well, what are you going on about, then?"

"D'ya think he knows we've had sex?"

Ginny snorted into her coffee and Harry, who had just returned with a glass of water, shook his head as he tried to hold back laughter. Ron could feel the heat rush to his face.

"Well, if he didn't before, he does now," Ron said irritably. He was sure Harry knew already. They had reached the basics in their very few and far between talks. And since they were living together, it was hard to keep secrets like that from one another-even when it involved Ginny. It was a complication of their friendship that, until this moment, Ron had thought they handled fairly well. Of course, if Hermione was going to spread the word around anyway…

"Oops," she said as she accepted the water. "Oh well. Now we don't have to worry about it."

"Why would you worry about it?" Harry snickered.

"Finish your water," Ron interrupted. "You've still got to change before I can get you to bed."

Hermione scowled as she swallowed her first sip. "Oh, sure, but get all touchy when _I_ talk about our sex life." Ron groaned and hid his face in his hands, trying desperately to tune out Harry's snickering. When Hermione finished the water, she thrust the cup back at Harry and stumbled to her feet. "Okay. Clothes." She snapped her fingers and motioned for them.

"Right," Ron said wearily. He stood and grabbed her clothes before dragging her along to the bathroom. He had barely closed the door behind him and then Hermione was on him. Her hands pressed down on his shoulders as if she was trying to propel herself up while she kissed him. Ron dropped her clothes and pulled her roughly towards him without a second thought. All that she'd done that night was forgotten as she pulled them back against the wall and pushed herself against him seductively.

"Ron," she gasped. "Ron, I want you."

"But-"

"Please. I need you." Ron groaned and tried to remind himself to stay strong. He was supposed to be angry with her. He was supposed to be getting her ready for bed so she could sleep off this odd form she was in-

"I've been thinking about it all day. Please."

She had done him in. Unable to resist (or really even care) any longer, he pressed her completely against the wall with his body and kissed her deeply. Hermione moaned loudly and wrapped a leg around his waist, squeezing him to her until he took the hint and pulled her other leg off the ground. In just a matter of moments, they were panting against each other's mouths as they pressed against each other again and again and again…

Ron dropped his mouth down and licked Hermione's neck. She gasped and grabbed his hair, pulling him away from her. She pulled herself out of his hold and stood firmly on the ground. "What are you-?"

"Sh," Hermione said as she backed further into the bathroom with a sly smile on her face. She stopped when she reached the tub and turned on the shower head. Before Ron could react, she pulled her dress up and over her head, leaving her in only her knickers. "I need a shower."

Remembering himself and the situation now that Hermione's body was out of reach, Ron shook his head. "No, you just need to get dressed." He could hear Harry and Ginny chuckling as they passed the loo and the creaking of Harry's bedroom door as it shut. They were lucky enough to get to sleep at one in the morning. If he could just get her to the bed-

"Someone spilled their beer on me," Hermione whined. "I need to wash it off. _They did!"_ she howled when Ron gave her a disbelieving glare. She huffed and stepped out of her underpants. "Fine. I'm taking a shower. You're welcome to join me."

As if he needed to be invited twice. There was no way he could deny himself a very naked and very wet Hermione, no matter how angry he was. He whipped his shirt off and nearly forgot to remove his pants before he followed her into the shower. In seconds, he was captivated by the familiar feel of her between him and the tile as water rained down on them generously. Ron pulled Hermione off the ground again and slid inside her, making her moan loudly.

"Sh, Harry's just next door," Ron hissed. But that didn't seem to phase her and she moaned again as he moved in and out of her. He busied her mouth with his and she tightened the grip her thighs had on his waist while running her smooth fingers through his deliciously wet hair.

It wasn't long before they reached their peak together. They continued moving slowly, desperate to wring out every bit of pleasure they could, until they were both satisfied. Hermione chuckled and set herself back on the ground. "I won."

"What? It wasn't a competition," Ron scoffed as she turned off the water. He realized that she hadn't done any of the washing she'd said she needed. "No one spilled beer on you, did they?"

Hermione turned to face him and bit her lip. "Well…I think there's some on my shoes. I might have stepped in it…"

Ron sighed and shook his head. "You're a fine mess when you're drunk, do you know that?"

Hermione smirked at him. "But you like it."

Ron could no longer hide his grin. "Damn right I do," he said as he reached around her and turned the shower head back on. "Now get back here. I'm not finished with you yet."

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><p>AN: Reviews are my favorite kind of smut.


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